KAYE GOES 3 FOR 3 AT BALLGAME

For some people, the big news at Dodger Stadium Monday night involved one Mariano Duncan, a wet-behind-the-ears rookie from the Dominican Republic--and Albuquerque--who inherited our second-baseman’s bat and knocked a crucial, chronically unexpected, Astronimically terminal, Walter Mittyish home run over the right-field fence in the seventh inning.

For other people, the big news involved Walter Mitty himself. That is, it involved David Daniel Kaminski, a k a Danny Kaye.

This virtuosic, dry-behind-the-ears dreamer proved, once again, that he too can wield a wooden stick with harmonious results. Having demonstrated his special skills at fund-raising galas with such modest ensembles as the New York and Los Angeles Philharmonics, he graduated on this festive occasion to a marching band that enlisted 3,500 musicians from high schools throughout Southern California.

Since there is no conventional podium in Chavez Ravine, the maestrissimo blithely climbed atop a super-stepladder to lead his eager charges through such classical challenges as “Take Me Out to the Ball Game,” “The Stars and Stripes Forever” and--what else?--”The Star-Spangled Banner.” A small invasion of drill teams provided snappy acrobatic counterpoint.

Reliable critics report three hits, no errors.

Kaye’s rise to lyrical glory may have begun in 1941 when, in a song called “Tchaikovsky,” he pattered the names of 54 Russian composers, real and not-so-real, in 38 staccato seconds. His multifaceted career went on to embrace a short term as a co-owner of the Seattle Mariners. Now repentant, with affections unalienated, he is a quintessentially artful, would-be Dodger.