Top to Bottom

CAPSULES AND RANKINGS

Team: 1. Buffalo (3-1)

Opponent: Idle

Comment: Poll demonstrates infallibility.

*

Team: 2. Kansas City (4-0)

Opponent: at San Diego

Comment: Battered Chiefs catch a break, draw the Chargers.

*

Team: 3. Green Bay (3-1)

Opponent: at Seattle

Comment: Even Seinfeld has bad show sometimes, but never two in row.

*

Team: 4. Indianapolis (4-0)

Opponent: Idle

Comment: National Enquirer has photos of Harbaugh’s pact with devil.

*

Team: 5. Minnesota (4-0)

Opponent: at N.Y. Giants

Comment: Incentive--If team wins, no one asks Green about lawsuit.

*

Team: 6. Denver (3-1)

Opponent: at Cincinnati

Comment: Elway has yet to be heard from this season.

*

Team: 7. Philadelphia (3-1)

Opponent: Dallas

Comment: Rhodes mad at Switzer, should be happy Switzer’s coaching.

*

Team: 8. Miami (3-1)

Opponent: Idle

Comment: Johnson smart with Aikman or Marino. Let’s see with Erickson.

*

Team: 9. Washington (3-1)

Opponent: N.Y. Jets

Comment: Obviously the Rams didn’t need Gilbert, Ellard, Bettis....

*

Team: 10. Houston (2-1)

Opponent: at Pittsburgh

Comment: Didn’t Chandler also play for the Rams?

*

Team: 11. Carolina (3-0)

Opponent: at Jacksonville

Comment: 20 years from now it’s Capers, not Lombardi, in those TV ads.

*

Team: 12. San Francisco (2-1)

Opponent: Atlanta

Comment: JFK Jr. gets hitched, 49ers wilt. What next? Rice scores?

*

Team: 13. Detroit (2-2)

Opponent: at Tampa Bay

Comment: Fontes’ teams have won 63 regular-season games. Amazing.

*

Team: 14. Pittsburgh (2-1)

Opponent: Houston

Comment: Cowher loses best players, continues to win.

*

Team: 15. Dallas (1-3)

Opponent: at Philadelphia

Comment: This guy Emmitt Smith isn’t very good, is he?

*

Team: 16. San Diego (3-1)

Opponent: Kansas City

Comment: Another Heimlich maneuver week for Chargers.

*

Team: 17. New England (2-2)

Opponent: Idle

Comment: Two straight wins, a bye and then Baltimore. Life is good.

*

Team: 18. Baltimore (1-2)

Opponent: New Orleans

Comment: Modell toilet sold for $2,700; same price as Raven ticket.

*

Team: 19. Cincinnati (1-2)

Opponent: Denver

Comment: Bengals improve standing; a bye will do that for you.

*

Team: 20. Jacksonville (1-3)

Opponent: Carolina

Comment: Cornerback released after loss; why not before the game?

*

Team: 21. Chicago (1-3)

Opponent: Oakland

Comment: Receivers drop six passes; didn’t know Kramer that accurate.

*

Team: 22. St. Louis (1-2)

Opponent: at Arizona

Comment: Georgia went through 7 husbands; Brooks on only 4th QB.

*

Team: 23. Oakland (1-3)

Opponent: at Chicago

Comment: Memo to Al Davis: Call any time for advice. Leave a message.

*

Team: 24. Seattle (1-3)

Opponent: Green Bay

Comment: Two Days in the Valley--Behring’s attempt to leave Seattle.

*

Team: 25. Atlanta (0-4)

Opponent: at San Francisco

Comment: George to coach: “Why would anyone name their boy June?”

*

Team: 26. New York Giants (1-3)

Opponent: Minnesota

Comment: Yankees win title, offer to loan Steinbrenner to Giants.

*

Team: 27. Arizona (1-3)

Opponent: St. Louis

Comment: Johnson runs 214 yards before escape attempt is thwarted.

*

Team: 28. New Orleans (0-4)

Opponent: at Baltimore

Comment: Everett 14-22 as Saint QB, eligible to wear paper bag.

*

Team: 29. Tampa Bay (0-4)

Opponent: Detroit

Comment: Home game against Saints on Nov. 24 looming large.

*

Team: 30. New York Jets (0-4)

Opponent: at Washington

Comment: Kotite 3-24 and he’s paid more than you. Have a nice day.