The Long Ball Doesn’t Make Up for Everything

Thomas Boswell of the Washington Post writing on enigmatic Baltimore Oriole slugger Albert Belle:

“Have you failed to hustle in the past for other teams? Is that why, despite your statistics, you’re with your third team in the past four years?

“Do you think you have a shot at Dave Kingman’s mark of being so unpopular that he once played for four teams in one season while in his prime?”

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Trivia time: How many seasons did Jerry West coach the Lakers and what was his best record?

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Flush it: From Baseball Weekly: The Cleveland Indians have asked their broadcasters to stop using the popular nickname for Jacobs Field--”The Jake.”

Speculation is the request came indirectly from team owner Dick Jacobs. Why? “Jake” is also slang for toilet.

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Nasty! Wide receiver Michael Irvin has suggested that the Dallas Cowboys should try to trade him. Comment from comedy writer Alan Ray: “He can no longer outrun the younger police officers.”

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In a zone: Frank Luksa of the Dallas Morning News writing on Texas Ranger slugger Rafael Palmeiro:

“[Palmeiro] is hitting so well he could single off a dandruff flake. Throw him an acorn at 90 mph, and it’s off the wall or out of the park.

“[He] is so locked in at the plate he can hit lint 400 feet.”

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Unimpressed: Boston Celtic point guard Kenny Anderson says he plans to hire a track coach to help him with his speed and conditioning. When Coach Rick Pitino heard that, he cracked, “Who’s he going to hire to run for him?”

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Rubbing it in: New York Daily News headline after the Knicks went up 3-2 on the Indiana Pacers: “Knicks Have Hicks in a Fix.”

The “Hicks” were in a permanent fix after losing the sixth game.

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Come again? When asked by “Entertainment Tonight” who tested his new perfume, Michael Jordan said: “Some of my close friends. Ahmad Rashad, who is a fashion-type guy. Charles Barkley, who I never really listen to, but I like to hear what he says.”

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Humbled: Jordan, in a golf tournament grouping with Mario Lemieux and “Melrose Place” star Jack Wagner, was the focal point when one fan coaxed his companion to photograph the former Chicago Bull star, saying, “There he is, there he is.”

She turned to him and said, “I don’t care about Michael Jordan. I’m looking for Jack Wagner.”

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Unmarked: Jim Armstrong in the Denver Post: “Tim Duncan and David Robinson can’t be this good, just can’t be. Why there’s not a single tattoo between them.”

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Trivia answer: Three, with a best record of 53-29 in 1976-77.

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And finally: New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani, on the First Lady’s claim on the “Today” show that she is a Yankee fan:

“I am not disputing that she’s a Yankee fan, but I’ve been to Yankee Stadium maybe a thousand times in my life and I’ve yet to see Hillary Clinton there.”