LAUGH LINES

Win or Lose: “According to a new poll, a majority of Americans think that Al Gore will win if he faces off against George W. Bush in the 2004 election. . . . Of course, they don’t think Gore will become president, they just think he’ll win.” (Conan O’Brien)

Questionable Choice: “President-elect George W. Bush has named New Jersey Gov. Christine Todd Whitman head of the Environmental Protection Agency. . . . Was that really a good idea? Have you seen the environment in New Jersey lately?” (Andrew Wisot)

For Crying Out Loud: “The press reported that President George Bush wept when it was finally confirmed that his son, George W. Bush, had won the presidency. . . . But so did half of the nation!” (Dale McCall)

Jailhouse Madness: “A Texas prisoner is suing Penthouse magazine, claiming it didn’t reveal enough skin in Paula Jones’ recent layout. . . . Apparently, he’s serving time for temporary insanity.” (Mark Wheeler)

Scary Stories: “The Clintons are already buying a new home. This one is a three-story house. . . . There’s Hillary’s story, Bill’s story and that phony story they put out about living together as a married couple.” (R.J. Johnson)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.