Little Islands in the Stream of Consciousness

Random thoughts, while waiting for the Chicago Cubs to get their first hit of the season:

* Forget cityhood. Make the San Fernando Valley the 51st state.

* “When Harry Met Sally” was really just a great remake of “Annie Hall.”

* As a show of gratitude to Laker fans who can’t afford Staples, next season’s opening game should be played at the Coliseum, for $10 a ticket.

* Against the Sacramento Kings.

* With Shaq entering the Coliseum riding Traveler.

* That new Disney Hall downtown looks more spectacular every day.

* But the new cathedral is turning out to be a dull, unappealing dud.

* In L.A., all lanes are fast lanes.

* So are most shoulders and exit ramps.

* And some driveways.

* Father’s Day gift suggestion: The DVD collection of the first season of “MASH.”

* How come computers have a motherboard, but no fatherboard?

* Favorite Steinbeck line: “Children never want to be the age they are.”

* Of course, neither do most adults.

* So far, “The Rookie” is the most underrated movie of the year.

* Of course, baseball is always better in the movies.

* Everything is better in the movies.

* Buying gasoline is like paying rent forever, to people in places you’d never visit.

* Is “The Sopranos” ever coming back?

* The margarita has become the double-martini of our time.

* Can you imagine Vlade Divac’s face when Shaq enters the Coliseum riding a giant horse?

* Studio trucks always look brand new.

* Maybe statehood isn’t good enough for the Valley. Maybe it should be its own sovereign nation.

* Paul LoDuca may always be my favorite Dodger.

* Album worth checking out: “Brushfire Fairytales” by Jack Johnson.

* Baseball team worth checking out: the Anaheim Angels.

* “An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory.” (Friedrich Engels)

* The third most valuable player on the Lakers: the poor sap who has to wash Shaq’s sweaty towels.

* Don’t worry, that new cathedral is only supposed to last 500 years.

* Asparagus on the grill, brushed with olive oil and slightly blackened, is almost better than steak.

* Relax, I said “almost.”

* Spas for men? No one’s touching me that way without a warrant.

* When our kids grow up, a $1-million home won’t be anything special. And average monthly car payments will be in the four figures.

* Staples tickets will be five figures. If you can get them.

* Californians take far better care of their homes than their schools.

* Of course, there’s all that equity to think about.

* Kids are generally a bad investment anyway.

* “Kissing is overrated.” (Lee Marvin)

* “Ratings are overrated.” (My friend Don)

* During college, you learn as much from your summer jobs as from most of your classes.

* The Captain & Tennille have had more hits this spring than the Cubs.

* I still don’t have a thorough understanding of what capers are.

* “Planes, Trains & Automobiles” gets better every time I see it.

* John Hughes movies almost always have snow in them.

* There’s a major difference between telling a joke and making a joke. Making a joke is better.

* If you ask me, Little Red Riding Hood should’ve known better.

* Big Boy’s 7:10 phone call on Power 106 is the funniest two minutes in radio.

* But Uncle Joe is still the best DJ.

* Eventually, every restaurant dish in L.A. will be served with capers. Whatever they are.

* My buddy Bob says most coaches over-teach and under- coach.

* I don’t know what he’s talking about either. But it sure sounds good.

* In baseball (and in life), pitching is everything.

* No, wait, love is everything.

* Pitching used to be everything, but then love got in the way.

* Just ask your dad.

* Happy Father’s Day.

Chris Erskine’s column is published Wednesdays. His e-mail address is [email protected].