Feeling Umberg’s Pain -- for Now

Like schlock novels, extramarital affairs are predestined to end badly. And when they stretch out over four years, the parting lines usually aren’t “Hey, thanks for everything. See you around.”

Apparently sensing trouble just around the bend, Orange County Assemblyman Tom Umberg took the unusual step this week of telling a Times reporter that in November he’d ended a four-year affair with a woman he met through Democratic Party politics. With his wife of 23 years at his side, Umberg suggested the woman was going to make the affair public.

Perhaps it’s a sign of the continuing downfall of civilization that Umberg’s announcement probably will have all the shock effect of a daily report on the Dow Jones Industrial Average. Like it or not, it’ll take a bit more than news of an affair to shake us up these days.

That doesn’t mean we can’t dissect the matter.

The first thing that jumps out is why Umberg went public. He framed it during the interview as a preemptive strike. But since he and his wife, Robin, obviously were willing to acknowledge the affair, why not wait and see if the other party acted first? Umberg said in the interview that the woman, whom he did not identify, had showed up at some family-related venues and may have sent some of their e-mails during the affair to the Orange County Register.

Robin Umberg told our reporter that she was willing to go public to demonstrate to the couple’s three children -- two of whom are grown -- that despite the pain and disappointment of the situation, “they can watch their parents overcome this challenge because we love each other.”

It’s none of my business, but that also seems like something that could have been done privately.

So we have the public confession. Sometimes, such theater produces its own perverse delight for the rest of us. Not so with the Umbergs. Yes, Tom has a bit of a squeaky-clean image and, yes, he’s an Army reservist, but I never got the impression he overdid it or slickly packaged himself for political gain. I’ve dealt with him on a few occasions over the years and never picked up a hint of self-righteousness.

It doesn’t make for good newspaper copy to say that nice people make bad judgments, but that’s how I’d size up the Umberg affair for now. But should his former paramour produce some smoking gun that he misused his public office during their relationship (it’s been known to happen, folks), Umberg has a whole different set of things to answer for.

We’re not supposed to root in the press box, but I hope that isn’t the case here. Umberg’s public life has seen both modest success and failure, but he’s never been the kind of politician who makes you cringe. He’s

just not the kind of guy who’s fun to pile on, especially over such a delicate and private matter.

Shed of its scandalous deliciousness, the only important question for public consumption concerns Umberg’s fitness for office. He is, after all, still asking people to vote for him next year to go to the state Senate.

If he gave away any favors because of his affair, Umberg should pay the piper and drop out of the race. Lord knows Orange County needs Democratic officeholders, but not at any price.

If, on the other hand, Umberg didn’t compromise his office, I wouldn’t consider the affair as an automatic disqualifier.

Umberg must be confident he didn’t leave a smoking gun lying around. He and his wife said they planned to stay married and somehow put the family crisis behind them.

I hope that happens.

All affairs involve a degree of fraudulence, but anyone over the age of 21 also knows how complicated these things can be.

I could pontificate, but on such unsure footing as someone else’s affair, I feel more comfortable letting Robin Umberg get the last word: “I know there’s a lot more to this man than that poor choice,” she told The Times.

Dana Parsons’ column appears Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. He can be reached at (714) 966-7821 or at [email protected]. An archive of his recent columns is at www.latimes.com/parsons.